A friend posted this video on facebook the other day. Go ahead, watch it.
At the point where the little girl falls off the balance beam, I did that thing we do as mothers…
you know when you draw in your breath so sharply it becomes a cross between a sob and a gasp for air?
Since watching this I have been thinking about the word devotion and how it relates to being a mother.
When we become a mother, no matter HOW or WHEN we become a mother,
we graciously and painfully break off a piece of our soul and infuse it into our child.
(It’s kind of like when we were kids and we broke off a piece of our chocolate bunny’s ear to share with someone…
It feels good to do it but it hurts at the same time?)
Giving up a chunk of our own chocolate bunny is devotion to someone else that is a raw open wound that gets nurtured, protected and soothed one day but the next becomes a source of teeth clenching, agonizing, ‘WHAT was I thinking’ emotion.
Yet, we do it. We do it daily. We wake up in the morning, we go through our day and we kick ass at doing it.
Most of the time.
Those times that we don’t? We doubt, we worry and we fret.
We want it all to just stop.
Personally, I like to think like George Jetson and yell “JANE STOP THIS CRAZY THING!”
The truth is though?
I really don’t want to stop this ride, I just want some time to gain a piece of ‘me’ back.
And that’s ok.
Because devoting time to me, the Mama, by doing things that I love, allows me to recharge,
reconnect with my soul and then I am ready to release myself back to motherhood.
Back to this:
As I posted that image, it just happened again, that deep inhale that is a cross between a sob and a gasp.
I think I’ll call that sound devotion from now on.
Because the truth is, when we break off that piece of our soul and infuse it into our child?
They fill up that that gap with a something that’s so much larger then we gave them.
We have have plenty of room for their chunk of chocolate bunny.